23 November, 2016



I was soaring with bliss thought my own parents and in laws resented our inter-case, love marriage. My spouse was extremely caring and loving. Every women wish to have a beautiful and peaceful life with her husband, children and family. I thought I was the luckiest women in the entire world with all my dreams coming true. However, my dreams all of a sudden collided with a harsh reality and were shattered to reveal a life no longer pleasant. After several inquires and quarrels, finally my dear and lovely husband revealed the truth behind his taking of various medicines daily. The revelation traumatized me. It destroyed my world and left it in a million pieces. It left me half dead. He told me he was HIV positive. I cried over my fate. I was hurt beyond repair not because I too would be HIV infected but because the person to whom I trusted so much and loved more than myself had cheated me, played with me behind the facade of love. Since then I have never felt happiness and peace in my life to this day.
I am Kalpana Rai (name changed). I was born on 2040 in a naturally blessed place of illam. My family consists of seven members including my father, mother, two younger sister and two younger brothers. I am the eldest child. Our living situation was economically sound. I was admitted to boarding school in Kathmandu to pursue a better education. I was apt both in study and in sport. After completing school leveling certificate (SLC) in first division, I went back to my village and enrolled in the nearby collage. One day my collage friend introduced me to a guy who was working on a road project as an engineer in the same area. Our simple introduction blossoming into an intimate relationship which eventually led to our nuptial in 2064 BS,  Our days were filled with happiness and joy. However, it didn't last long for me. Soon after marriage, I noticed hashing in his pocket and many other medicines. Upon inquiring, first told me that he had to take medicine life long, due to a heart problems and he also confessed taking hashing regularly. one fatefull day we had some dispute over his medicine. That dispute turned out to mark a disaster in my life. He revealed that he was infected with HIV and it was the real cause for his need for the medicines.

My journeys tread a thorny path from then on wards. I suspected myself to be infected with HIV. Accepting the destiny etched into my life, I reconciled and continued to live with him. But in contrast with his efforts in consoling me, he started beating me. He came home heavily intoxicated. Fighting, quarrels, and scolding all distributed my mental health and still I am suffering from psychological disturbance and taking medicine for it. All of a based in Kathmandu,capital city of Nepal. After 15 days of treatment at hospital, he recovered. He took me to his home in Chabhil, Kathmandu for the first time. My in laws who were educated and rich never showed kindness to me. Rather they humiliated me all the time. I had to cook food with a mask on my mouth. Scolds, allegation of black magic, and physical assault became my daily routine. I was in the most unsafe place in this mental order to deteriorate. Once the entire family attacked me and attempt to protect my head, their assault tore my tendon. I saw humanity in its worst form without kindness, full of hatred, rage and barbarism.

I escaped from that hell with an injured hand. At the advice of husband's friend, I went to Shakti Milan Samaj for some much needed help during the most turbulent time of my life. Shakti Milan Samaj and its sister organization Shakti Samuha first treated my hand. They took care of me like their own child. They gave me everything, shelter, food and most importantly the courage to stay positive towards life and fight all the odds. Shakti Milan Samaj tested my blood 3 times to conform my HIV status. Probably god had tired of punishing me without my fault. That time he showed mercy on me. I was declared safe from HIV infection.

After a really long time, a smile appeared on my face. Training and counseling provided by Shakti Milan Samaj helped me to regain my lost self respect and confidence. Shakti Milan Samaj offered me a job as a warden in its EJAF hostel. In this way, I was saved and made to stand on my own feet by Shakti Milan Samaj. Its assistance didn't end here. I was supported to file a petition in a court announced the verdict in my favor. However, during the trial, allegations made against me did deteriorate my already fragile mental condition further.

Today I am working as a field staff of Shakti Milan Samaj. I sensitize the school children, and community people on HIV/AIDS. I am also planning to establish continuity in my education. My life is no longer my own. It's a life saved and nurtured by the Shakti Milan Samaj. Therefore, I am determined to work for the interest of Shakti Milan Samaj. My bitter experience exposes our society as an unsafe place for women. My efforts are therefore directed towards building society sensitive towards women. Social concepts and government policy and rules concerning women's issues were found to be really pathetic during my hardship.

I am an educated person. At the hands of educated people, right in the heart of the capital city of this country, I was beaten, humiliated, and discarded. Ironically, women's rights were the talk of the town. My heart breaks whenever I picture the condition of women who are ignorant and poor living in a male dominant society in a rural area bearing all the torture and disgrace. I really do weep for them. I wish from the depth of my heart I could do something for them. I genuinely wish.